The Unemployment Office
by Curry the Electric Dingo
Summary: In this story the Gundam Wing cast are unemployed and have to look for new jobs. Insanity is sure to follow. WARNING: MAY BE OCC!


The whole cast of Gundam Wing are summoned to the Big Bad Boss' office.

The Big Bad Boss: *hands everyone a pink slip*

Heero: "WHAT IS THIS?"

Duo: "You don't mean. . . "

Trowa: ". . . . !"

Quatre: "You can't do this!"

Wufei: "I DEMAND JUSTICE!. . . ." *babbles on about justice*

Relena: ". . . . Oh! What a pretty sheet of paper! And it's in my favorite color too! . . . "

The Big Bad Boss: "Yep. We don't need you guys anymore. Gundam Wing is over! No more episodes. No more movies. No more merchandise."

Everyone: "NOOOOO! NOT THE MERCHANDISE!"

The Big Bad Boss: "Sorry guys. I'm sure you can get other jobs!. . . . " 

Zechs: "All those long, grueling hours trapped in that @&$*@ mask, and for what?!"

Treize: "Can I keep the boots?"

The Big Bad Boss: "I'm sorry. Those belong to the studio."

Treize: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *runs off crying*

The Big Bad Boss: *sighs* "I should have ended the series sooner. . . ."

Dorothy: "Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a job when everyone just stares at your eyebrows?"

*a loud cry in the distance* "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Lady Une: "TREIZE! SHUT THE #*$#$@ UP! I'M TIRED OF LISTENING TO YOU!" *takes off her shoe and throws in out the door*

"ow." *loud thud on the floor*

The Big Bad Boss: *sighs again* "You know, there is such a thing as the unemployment office. . . "

Wufei: ". . . I DEMAND TO SEE MY RIGHTS! I DEMAND A LAWYER! I DEMAND A FAIR TRIAL!. . . . " *continues to babble on about justice*

Zechs: "I wonder if N'SYNC is having any auditions. . . . "

Duo: *nudges Quatre in the side* "Hey! Maybe you could sell teacups. . . "

Quatre: *attacks Duo in a rage* "WHY YOU LITTLE . . . . !"

Relena: "Hey Bossy-Wossy!" *bats eyelashes* "Can I keep the pink limo? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar on top and chocolate sauce and marshmallows and whipped cream and cherries and caramel sauce and chocolate chips and. . . . . "

The Big Bad Boss: *stares at them, his head falls to the side* "Look. What will it take to get all of you out of my office? I've got a lot of work to do!"

Everyone: "Hmmmm. . . . "

The Big Bad Boss: *lightbulb* "I know!" *searches through his desk* "Here! Company hats! Will these do?"

Everyone: *silence* ". . . . . . . DEAL!"

* * * * *

The whole cast go over to the unemployment office.

Teller #1: "Name please."

Heero: "Heero." 

Teller #1: "Last name?"

Heero: "Yuy."

Teller #1: "Previous occupation?"

Heero: "Assassin."

Teller #1: ". . . . . . . ."

Heero: "So, do you have a job for me?"

Teller #1: ". . . . . How about a disgruntled postal employee?"

Heero: "Would you really trust me with people's mail?"

Teller #1: "Good point. . . . . . I know! I have the perfect job for you!" *hands him a slip of paper* "Just be at that address at 9:00 a.m."

Heero: *studies paper, then destroys the evidence*

Teller #1: "NEXT!"

* * * * *

Teller #2: "Name please."

Duo: "Duo "just-too-cute" Maxwell!" *flashes his pearly whites*

Teller #2: "Ok. . . . . Previous occupation?" 

Duo: "Looking too handsome to be real!"

Teller #2: "You don't say. . . . . I have a job just right for you." *hands him a sheet of paper* "Be there at 1:00 p.m. sharp!"

Duo: *looks at paper and smiles*

Teller #2: "NEXT!"

* * * * *

Teller #3: "Name please."

Trowa: ". . . . . ."

Teller #3: "Name?"

Trowa: ". . . . . ."

Teller #3: "Hello? Anyone there?"

Trowa: ". . . . . ."

Teller #3: "Why do I always get stuck with the weird ones?" *hands him a piece of paper* "Here. Just take it and leave!"

Trowa: ". . . . . . !"

Teller #3: *sighs* "NEXT!"

* * * * * 

Teller #4: "Name please."

Quatre: "Quatre Raberba Winner."

Teller #4: "Quatre Ra-what?"

Quatre: "Er, Never mind."

Teller #4: "Previous occupation?"

Quatre: "Millionaire."

Teller #4: "Ummm. . . . . Why are you at the unemployment office?"

Quatre: "Don't ask."

Teller #4: "I won't. Here." *gives him a slip of paper* "Be there at 5:00 a.m."

Quatre: "5:00 a.m.? What about my beauty sleep?"

Teller #4: "NEXT!"

* * * * *

Teller #5: "Name please."

Wufei: "I don't give my name out to onnas!"

Teller #5: "Onnas? Ok. . . . . Previous occupation?"

Wufei: "Destroying people weaker than me."

Teller #5: "Oh really?" *hands him a sheet of paper* "This is your new job."

Wufei: ". . . ! I don't deserve this! I demand justice! This job is below me! Onna, are you liste-"

Teller #5: "NEXT!"

Wufei: "Baka onna. . . . . "

* * * * *

Teller #1: "Name please."

Relena: "Relena Dorlian AKA 'The Filthy Rich White Girl'"

Teller #1: "Umm. . . ok. Previous occupation?"

Relena: "Queen of the World."

Teller #1: ". . . . . ."

Relena: "What? Is there something wrong with my makeup?"

Teller #1: "No! It's fine." *hands her a piece of paper* "Maybe this job will work out better than your last one did."

Relena: *looks at the piece of paper and pouts* "Can I switch for a new one?"

Teller #1: "I'm sorry miss. There are no refunds. NEXT!"

Relena: "Oh pooh!"

* * * * *

Teller #2: "Name please."

Hilde: "Hilde Schbeiker. Ma'am!"

Teller #2: "There's no need for the ma'am part."

Hilde: "Yes ma'am!"

Teller #2: "Er yeah. . . . Previous occupation?"

Hilde: "Soldier ma'am!"

Teller #2: "Ok. . . . ENOUGH WITH THE MA'AM!"

Hilde: "Yes!. . . . ma'am!"

Teller #2: "Never mind. Here." *gives her a sheet of paper* "You have to be there at 11:00 a.m. Don't be late."

Hilde: *looks at it and frowns* "This isn't a job for a soldier!"

Teller #2: "Sorry miss. I have to help the next person. NEXT!"

* * * * *

Teller #3: "Name please."

Catherine: "Catherine Bloom."

Teller #3: "Previous occupation?"

Catherine: "The circus!" *pulls out four knives* "Do you want me to demonstrate?"

Teller #3: "NO! Er. . . . I mean. . . That won't be necessary."

Catherine: "Are you sure? I'm really good! I've never missed once!"

Teller #3: "I'm sure you haven't . . . . "

Catherine: "So, what's my new job?"

Teller #3: *gives her a piece of paper* "Here. Now go! And take your knives with you!"

Catherine: "You're rude! I'm going to report you to my manager!" *throws a knife that barely misses Teller #3* 

Teller #3: "Why me? . . . . NEXT!"

* * * * *

Teller #4: *stares at her eyebrows*

Dorothy: "Uh. . . . Hello?"

Teller #4: *keeps staring at her eyebrows*

Dorothy: *waves hand in front of Teller #4's face* "Is there something wrong?"

Teller #4: *head tilts to one side*

Dorothy: *pokes Teller #4* "Is anybody home?"

Teller #4: *falls over*

Dorothy: ". . . . . . . ummm. . . . . . . . . "

Teller #4: *starts to spasm*

Dorothy: "This can't be good. . . . . ." *grabs a random piece of paper and slowly backs away*

* * * * *

Teller #5: "Name please."

Sally: "Sally Po."

Teller #5: "Previous occupation?"

Sally: "Soldier."

Teller #5: "Ok. . . . . I think I have a good job for you. Here." *gives her a slip of paper* "Don't be late!"

Sally: "A soldier is never late. . . . . ."

Teller #5: "Ok. Whatever you say. . . . . . NEXT!"

* * * * * 

Teller #1: "Name please."

Treize: "Treize Kushrenada."

Teller #1: "Hmmmm. . . . Interesting name."

Treize: "Do you have any jobs that you can keep the boots?"

Teller #1: "Ummm. . . . I'm afraid not."

Treize: "WHAT?" *runs out of the unemployment office, crying* "NOOOOO! IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Teller #1: *sighs* "I hate this job. . . . "

* * * * *

Teller #2: "Name please."

Lady Une: "Une. Lady Une.

Teller #2: "Ok. . . Previous occupation?"

Lady Une: "Depends on which split personality."

Teller #2: "Er. . . . Pick one."

Lady Une: "Soldier. . . . . Or a pacifist. . . . ."

Teller #2: "I see what you mean by split personalities. . . ."

Lady Une: "I guess I'm just special!"

Teller #2: "Yeah. Sure. Anyways. . . . Here." *gives her a piece of paper* "Here is your new job."

Lady Une: "Sounds great. . . . . NO IT DOESN'T! IT SUCKS!. . . . No. It's fine!. . . . . I DEMAND A BETTER ONE!. . . ."

Teller #1: ". . . . . . I won't ask. . . . . ."

* * * * *

Teller #3: "Name please."

Zechs: "Which one?"

Teller #3: "Pick one."

Zechs: "What would you say if I told you my name was Mr. Bubblemonkey?"

Teller #3: "I'd say that you're retarded. Now, what's your name?"

Zechs: "Hey! Do you think that N'SYNC is having any auditions?"

Teller #3: "Um. . . . . I don't know. Maybe."

Zechs: "Great! I still have a chance!" *skips out the door* "I'M GOING TO BECOME THE SIXTH N'SYNC MEMBER!"

Teller #3: "Now that's just sad. . . . . ."

* * * * * 

Teller #4: *continues to spasm*

Noin: "Ummm. . . . . Are you ok?"

Teller #4: *eye twitches*

Noin: "Ok. . . . . I'm just going to go to the next teller. . . ."

Teller #4: *sticks comes from out of nowhere and pokes Teller #4*

Noin: *sighs and moves to Teller #5*

* * * * * 

Teller #5: "Name please."

Noin: "Lucrezia Noin."

Teller #5: "Previous occupation?"

Noin: "Lieutenant."

Teller #5: ". . . . . I like your hair."

Noin: "Er. . . . Thank you (I guess. . . . . ) Can I have my new job now?"

Teller #5: "I like the way your bangs cover one of your eyes. How long does it take you in the morning to get it that way?"

Noin: "It's natural! Now give me my new job!"

Teller #5: "My favorite color is purple. Like your hair."

Noin: "GIVE ME MY *@#$& JOB!"

Teller #5: "Is that your natural color?"

Noin: "ARRGH!" *grabs a random slip of paper*

Teller #5: "What's the number of your hair stylist?"

* * * * * 

Secretary: "Good morning Mr. Yuy! I'm so glad you're here! You're in Room 111."

Heero: *grumbles something unaudible*

Secretary: "Good luck!"

Heero: *walks into Room 111* ". . . . !"

Class: *yells and screams loudly*

Heero: ". . . . QUIET!"

Class: *immediate silence*

Heero: "My name in Mr. Yuy. I'll be your substitute teacher. Any questions?"

Class: *three students raise their hands*

Heero: "Oh really?" *pulls out shotgun and shoots one* "Any more questions?"

Class: *the other two students slowly lower their hands* 

Heero: "Excellent."

* * * * *

Photographer: "All right! This last shot should do it!" *click of camera* 

Duo: *stares blankly into the camera*

Photographer: "Uh Mr. Maxwell? You can go home now."

Duo: *smiles and takes camera*

Photographer: "Be careful with that! That's a really expensive camera!"

Duo: "Who's the most handsome man in the world? You are!" *takes a picture* "Show those pearly whites!" *smiles widely and takes another picture*

Photographer: "Please leave Mr. Maxwell! The session is over!"

Duo: *continues to take photos of himself*

Photographer: *sighs* "Just leave him. It's no use."

Duo: *smiles* "Excellent."

* * * * *

Announcer: "Welcome to the Trowa Barton Show!"

Audience: *cheers loudly*

Trowa: *enters from the right side and stands in the middle of the stage*

Audience: *cheers start to fade out*

Trowa: *stares blankly into the camera, crickets chirping in the distance*

Audience: ". . . . . . YOU SUCK!" "GET OFF THE STAGE!" "I WANT A REFUND!"

Trowa: *continues to stare into the camera*

Announcer: "Please stand by. We're experiencing some technical difficulties."

Background voices: "This is a talk show! You're supposed to talk!" 

Trowa: ". . . . . ."

Background voices: "THAT'S IT! YOU'RE FIRED!"

Trowa: ". . . . . . . Excellent."

Announcer: "We're sorry. This show has been cancelled. Be sure to tune in next week for our latest sitcom _My Life With Bob_!"

* * * * *

Quatre: *driving on the highway, listening to the radio*

Van: *pulls up alongside it* "LOOK MOMMY! LOOK! IT'S A TRUCK DRIVER!" *pretends to honk their horn*

Quatre: *looks over at the kids in the van and waves nervously* 

Van: *speeds up and passes him*

Quatre: "This is sooooooo degrading. I don't even see why I have to work!"

Radio: ". . . And welcome back to QWERTY144.84 with those latest classical hits! It's the trucker's choice!"

Quatre: "Excellent" *turns up volume on radio*

* * * * *

Referee: "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WELCOME TO WWFF WRESTLING THURSDAY NIGHT!"

Audience: *cheers and screams loudly*

Referee: "I'M SURE YOU'RE ALL EXCITED FOR OUR MAIN BOUT! THE LITTLE DRAGON VS. THE DISGRUNTLED POSTAL EMPLOYEE!"

Wufei: "Yeah! I'm the greatest! I'm the greatest!" 

Audience: *silence*

Wufei: "Who needs you?"

Audience: *boos loudly*

D. P. E.: "OOGEN SNOOOGEN!"

Audience: *cheers loudly*

Wufei: "Ok. Ok. So you'll cheer for him?"

Referee: *bell rings* "GET IT ON!"

Wufei: *causually walks up to D. P. E., who, by the way, stands two feet taller than him and weighs 600lbs.* "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?"

D. P. E.: ". . . . . ?"

Wufei: *punches him in the stomach* "I AM THE LITTLE DRAGON! (hiss!)" *punches him again* "YOU HAVE NOT FELT THE FURY OF THE LITTLE DRAGON! (hiss!)" *continues to punch him*

D. P. E.: ". . . . . ."

Wufei: "Have you had enough? I am too strong for you! I can not unleash my full power. I might kill you!"

D. P. E.: ". . . . . ." *picks The Little Dragon up and throws him on the mat*

Wufei: "HEY! DON'T MAKE ME OPEN UP A CAN OF KICK-ASS ON YOU!"

D. P. E.: *shrugs and sits on his face*

Wufei: *muffled* "HEY! GET OFF OF MY FACE! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I DEMAND JUSTICE! I CAN SUE YOU, YOU KNOW! THIS ISN'T THE LAST YOU'VE HEARD OF THE LITTLE DRAGON! (hiss!)"

Announcer: *bell rings* "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE DISGRUNTLED POSTAL EMPLOYEE WINS!"

Audience: *loud cheers and screams*

D. P. E.: *gets off of the Little Dragon's face*

Wufei's Manager: "WHAT WAS THAT? YOU ARE PERHAPS THE WORST WRESTLER I'VE EVER SEEN! YOU'RE FIRED!"

Wufei: "Ex. . . cell. . . . . .ent." *passes out*

* * * * *

Relena: *looks at uniform and cringes* "Do I really have to wear this?"

Trashman #1: "Yep. That's the standard required uniform for sanitary workers."

Relena: *cringes again* "Do I have to touch the trash?"

Trashman: "That's your job."

Relena: *pouts* "But I don't wanna!"

Trashman: "If you don't pick up that trash, you won't get paid."

Relena: "But it's icky!"

Trashman: *sighs* "Look, if you don't do your job, I'm gonna have to fire you."

Relena: "I'm too cute to get fired!"

Trashman: "Then pick up the trash!"

Relena: "But it's trash. . . ."

Trashman: "That's why you're called a **_trash_**man."

Relena: "I am not a man!"

Trashman: *sighs again* "Ok. . . My mistake. Trash**_woman_**."

Relena: "That's better!"

Trashman: "Now, pick up that trash."

Relena: "But I don't wanna!"

Trashman: "THAT'S IT! YOU ARE SO FIRED!"

Relena: "Does this mean that I don't have to touch any trash?"

Trashman: "No! You don't have to touch any trash!"

Relena: *smiles* "Excellent."

* * * * *

Secretary: "Ms. Schbeiker?"

Hilde: "That would be me ma'am!"

Secretary: "Great! You're right on time! You just have to go down the hall and take a right."

Hilde: "Thank you ma'am! I won't dissapoint you!" 

Children: *screams loudly* "I'M HUNGRY!" "I WANT SOMETHING TO EAT!" "WHERE'S OUR FOOD?"

Hilde: "Civilians. . . ." *sighs and puts on hairnet* 

Child #1: "Whoah! You're our new lunchlady?" *snickers*

Hilde: "Yes. I'm your new lunchlady sir." *hands him a lunchtray*

Child #1: "Sir?" *snickers again* "You have weird hair!"

Hilde: "Move along sir! You're holding up the rest of the children!"

Child #1: "Whatever you say. . . . Ma'am!"

Child #2: "Wow! Your hair is all pointy!"

Hilde: *sighs* "Here's your lunch ma'am." *hands her a tray*

Child #2: "How do you get it that way? Can you tell me?"

Hilde: "You're making the other children wait ma'am. . . ."

Child #2: "Can I touch it?"

Hilde: "No ma'am."

Child #2: "Please? Just for a second?"

Hilde: "No ma'am!"

Child #2: "Why not?"

Hilde: "JUST TAKE YOUR @#*$& LUNCH AND LEAVE!"

Child #2: "You're a mean lady!"

Hilde: "WELL YOU CAN JUST SHOVE THAT UP YOUR @#$% ASS!"

Head Cafeterialady: "What are you doing? You're scaring all of the children! Do you not remember the Cafeterialady's Code of Conduct? You're fired!"

Hilde: "Excellent. . . ."

* * * * *

Zoo Manager: "Welcome to our new team . . . . .er. . . . What was your name again?"

Catherine: "Catherine. Catherine Bloom."

Zoo Manager: "Yeah. Whatever. You're in charge of the birds."

Catherine: "Birds? As in those things with wings and beaks?"

Zoo Manager: "Yeah. I would say that. . . ."

Catherine: "Can't they give you E-coli?"

Zoo Manager: *sighs* "No. It is impossible for them to give you E-coli."

Catherine: "Can they bite you?"

Zoo Manager: "NO THEY CAN'T BLOODY BITE YOU!"

Catherine: "Well what about-"

Zoo Manager: "GET TO YOUR @*#& STATION!"

Catherine: "Ladies and gentlemen. . . . . This is a pigeon. Commonly known as the 'city rat.' Any questions?"

Kid: "You smell like bird poop! You stink!"

Catherine: "Yes. Thank you. Now. . . . . . DON'T MAKE ME MAKE THE BIRDS PECK OUT YOUR EYEBALLS!"

Kid: *runs away screaming* "MOMMY! THERE'S A SCARY LADY AFTER ME!"

Catherine: "Excellent. . . . .Now ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you about seagulls. Like in that movie _Birds_ where they all went crazy and killed that guy in the phonebooth and. . . ."

* * * * *

Dorothy: "Here I am! What am I supposed to do?"

Beautician: "AHHH! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!" *runs away, dropping a pair of scissors and a comb*

Dorothy: "Why does everyone do that?" *picks up grooming tools*

Customer: "Good morning ma'am! Is this where I get my hair done?"

Dorothy: *desperately tries to cover eyebrows with hands* "Why yes it is. What can I do for you?"

Customer: "I want a totally new look. I want to surprise my boyfriend!"

Dorothy: "All righty then. Let's just have you sit here and I'll get started!"

Customer: "I'm so excited! I haven't seen you around here before. Are you new? Why are you trying to hide your eyebrows?"

Dorothy: "Uh. . . .There's no time to spare for idle chit chat. Let's get clipping. Now, close your eyes."

Customer: "Excuse me?"

Dorothy: "Close your eyes. I work best when my client isn't watching me."

Customer: "Ok. . . . I've never met anyone who's done this before." *closes eyes*

Dorothy: "Now just relax. When I'm done you won't even recognize yourself!"

Customer: "Is that a good thing?"

Dorothy: "Hush. You might make me slip with the scissors." *starts to chop away at hair*

Two hours later. . . .

Customer: "Are you done yet? I'm getting kind of numb just sitting here!"

Dorothy: "Almost!" *final snip* "There! It's all done!"

Customer: "Can I open my eyes now?"

Dorothy: "Your patience has been worth it! You can now open your eyes!"

Customer: *opens eyes excitedly but then realizes in horror that she looks just like Dorothy, including the eyebrows* "WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?"

Dorothy: "I made you beautiful! Duh!"

Customer: "WHAT DID YOU DO YOU MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! AND MY EYEBROWS!"

Dorothy: "I rather like it. It reminds me of someone. . . ."

Customer: *runs out of building, crying*

Dorothy: "Excellent. There's nothing like the satisfaction you get from a happy customer."

* * * *

Warden: "Now you ladies are in charge here. I'm just gonna step out and grab a burger. Now, don't go making trouble. . . . (too much)."

Noin and Sally: "Yes sir!"

Prisoner #1: "Hey baby! Gimme some sugar!"

Prisoner #1: "Come here you hot mommas!"

Noin and Sally: *both smile and pull out their bitch-whacking sticks* "QUIET IN THERE!" *bangs their bitch-whacking sticks on the cell bars*

Prisoner #1 and #2: "EEP!" *crawls to back of cell in a fetal position*

Noin and Sally: "AND THAT GOES FOR THE REST OF YOU TOO!"

Prisoners: "Oooooohhhh. . . . . Scary. . . . ."

Noin and Sally: "Excellent. . . . ." 

* * * * *

Lady Une: "Hello! How may I help you. . . . NOT!"

Customer #1: "Er. . . . . ok. . . . I'm here to buy a set of stamps. . . . ."

Lady Une: "May I interest you in our new Elvis stamps? Our newest one is Fat Elvis!"

Customer #1: "Umm. . . . . . What about non-endangered animals?"

Lady Une: "Excellent choice!. . . . NO IT'S NOT! . . . . Er ignore that. . . . YOU CAN NEVER IGNORE ME! WATCH ME! I'LL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

Customer #1: *starts to back away slowly* 

Lady Une: "WAIT! COME BACK!" *pouts and then turns into disgruntled mode* "ALL RIGHT! EVERYBODY DOWN! I'M TAKING THIS PLACE OVER!"

Customer #1: "Do what she says! She's armed and dangerous! She has. . . . . lots of paper!"

Lady Une: ". . . . . . That's right! I can give you all paper cuts!"

Customer #2: "We'll do whatever you want! Just don't give anyone paper cuts! Those things hurt like a monkey sitting on a hot stove!"

Lady Une: "Excellent. . . ."

* * * * *

Zechs: "This is sooooooooo cool! I'm finally going to meet them! I'm so nervous! What am I going to say?"

Security Guard: "Hold it right there. Where do you think you're going?"

Zechs: *in a disgustingly high voice* "I'm. . . . er. . . . . Britney! Can't you tell?"

Security Guard: *rubs chin* "What happened to your. . . . (ahem) . . . . You know. . . ."

Zechs: ". . . . . . Ohhhhh. . . . . That. . . . They. . . . Uh. . . . . . Popped?"

Security Guard: "I understand. Step this way please ma'am."

Zechs: "All right! I'm in!" *screams like a pre-adolescent teenage girl* "OHMYGAW! IT'S YOU!"

N'SYNC: ". . . . . . ?"

Zechs: "OHMYGAW! OHMYGAW!"

Justin: "And just who might you be?"

Zechs: "Justin! Don't you recognize me?"

Justin: ". . . . . ."

Zechs: "It's me! Britney!"

Justin: "You're not Britney."

Zechs: *starts crying* "Now you don't even remember me?"

Justin: ". . . . ."

Zechs: "You hate me, don't you!"

Justin: "I never said that. . . . ."

Zechs: *starts crying louder*

J.C.: "Look. I don't know who you are, or why security didn't throw you out, but, why are you here?"

Zechs: *stops crying* "I'm here to audition for the sixth N'SYNC member. . . ."

N'SYNC: ". . . . . ."

Zechs: "So, is there an opening? Here." *starts to sing _It's Gonna Be Me_ badly*

J.C.: "We'll consider it. . . . ."

Zechs: "Excellent. . . . ." 

* * * *

The Big Bad Boss: *in his office playing with some stuffed animals* "Does Miss Polly Pants want more tea? All right. One lump or two? What's this? Mr. Fluffy wants some more too? Well here you go! I just love playing with stuffed anima-"

Heero: *comes bursting in the office*

The Big Bad Boss: AHH! *immediately throws animals off desk* "Haven't you ever heard of knocking? I thought I fired you!"

Heero: "Well-"

Duo: *runs into office* "You won't guess what happened to me!"

The Big Bad Boss: *sighs* "What?"

Duo: "I got fired!. . . .Wait. . . .That's not a good thing!"

Trowa: *walks into office* 

The Big Bad Boss: "Don't tell me. You got fired?"

Trowa: ". . . ."

The Big Bad Boss: "And I wonder why. . . ."

Quatre: *pokes head into office* "Guess what? I quit my job!"

Duo: "Let me guess. They put you as a sanitation worker?"

Quatre: "No. They put me as a truck driver."

Everyone except Quatre: *starts to laugh*

Quatre: "What's so funny?"

Duo: "I just thought you'd be more of a "teacup salesman" kind of guy!"

Quatre: "WHY YOU LITTLE...!" *lunges for Duo's throat*

Wufei: *comes crashing in through the window*

The Big Bad Boss: "THAT'S A NEW WINDOW! IT COST ME $5,000! WHY DON'T YOU USE A DOOR?"

Wufei: "Wufei Chang does not enter rooms using conventional methods! I prefer the more dramatic, expensive approach."

The rest of the cast except Zechs comes trickling into the office.

The Big Bad Boss: *starts to rub temples* "Don't tell me. I already know. You all got fired?"

Quatre: "Hey!"

The Big Bad Boss: "Or quit?"

Treize: "I couldn't find a job. No one would let me keep the boots. . ."

The Big Bad Boss: "Or just was too stupid to?"

Everyone: *nods their head*

Treize: "Was that an insult?"

Lady Une: "Ignore him. It's the new allergy medication. (God knows I've been trying to for the past five years. . . .)"

The Big Bad Boss: "You mean to tell me that none of you could keep a job? Not one?"

Quatre: "You've hit the nail on the head."

Duo: "You've hit the nail on the head? What planet are you from?"

Quatre: "I'm gonna' kill you later."

The Big Bad Boss: "Hey! Where's Zechs? If none of you couldn't keep a job, then he sure as hell couldn't!"

Zechs: *comes running into office, out of breath*

The Big Bad Boss: "It's nice to see that you've finally made it here. interesting outfit. . . . . .Is that pleather?"

Zechs: *screams with joy* "Guess what? I'm getting married!"

Everyone: "NANI?"

Zechs: "I'm getting married!" *starts to dance around the room*

Everyone: "To who?"

Zechs: "TO JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!"

Everyone: *facevaults*

The Big Bad Boss: "Now that's just disturbing. . . ."

Noin: "Zechs! You're not getting married to Justin!"

Zechs: *stops dancing* "I wish I was. . . ."

The Big Bad Boss: "I'll choose to ignore that. Now. . . .WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? I THOUGHT THAT BY FIRING YOU ALL I WOULD NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU AGAIN!"

Relena: "It's not our fault they gave us icky-poo jobs!" *sticks out tongue* "Imagine me, Relena, Queen of the World, a garbage woman!"

Catherine: *tries to keep from laughing* "You? A garbage woman? Now I would pay good money to see that!"

The Big Bad Boss: "Please. I'm begging you. What will it take to get you all to leave me alone once and for all?"

Duo: "Well, you could renew the series and have us fight in Gundams only this time we'd have superpowers because we were all hit with radiation from an exploding nuclear power plant!"

Hilde: *sarcastically* "Wow Duo. How long have you been working on that one?"

Duo: "A little. Only about a month or so."

Hilde: "Wouldn't surprise me. . . ."

Quatre: "Or you could cast us in an entirely different show!" 

The Big Bad Boss: "Well the studio has been working on a new children't TV show. And they need a cast. . . ."

Duo: "So we have a job?"

The Big Bad Boss: "Now wait a minute! I didn't say anything about a job!"

Duo: *singing* "We have a job! We have a job!" *continues singing*

The Big Bad Boss: "Hold on a sec-!"

Quatre: "Thank god! Those truck seat covers were giving me a rash!"

Catherine: "Now I don't have to worry about bird crap in my hair!"

Treize: "Do I get to keep the boots?"

The Big Bad Boss: "Ummm. . . . . No."

Treize: "WHAT A CRUEL, CRUEL WORLD WE LIVE IN!"

Hilde: "Another minute with those annoying brats and I would have killed one of them!"

Dorothy: "Somehow I get the feeling that people are frightened of my appearance."

Quatre: "How did you guess that one Sherlock?"

Duo: "We get a job! We get a job!"

The Big Bad Boss: "I know I'm gonna' regret this in the morning. . . ."

Relena: "So, what show are we on?"

The Big Bad Boss: "I have to talk to my people about it. . . .Come back tomorrow morning."

The next day. . . .

Duo: "So, what's the good news?"

The Big Bad Boss: "You didn't get cast for a new show."

Everyone: "BOO!"

The Big Bad Boss: "But, you did get cast in a made-for-TV movie."

Relena: "Ewwww!"

The Big Bad Boss: "I know it may sound revolting and beneath you, but at least it's a job. (Besides, after how they acted at the company Christmas party, they're lucky they're getting that.)"

Quatre: "What's the movie called?"

The Big Bad Boss: "You really want to know?"

Catherine: "Duh! Why else would we be standing here?"

The Big Bad Boss: "_The Wizard of Oz_."

Duo: "You've got to be kidding!"

The Big Bad Boss: "I'm afraid not."

Relena: "Who gets to be Dorothy?"

The Big Bad Boss: "Dorothy."

Quatre: "What a surprise. . . ."

Dorothy: "YAY! I'M FINALLY THE MAIN CHARACTER!"

The Big Bad Boss: "But we'll have to shave off your eyebrows."

Dorothy: "Why? They are a part of who I am!"

The Big Bad Boss: "The producer of the movie thought that they would scare small children and give them nightmares."

Dorothy: "But I can't live without them!"

The Big Bad Boss: "That's a chance we're willing to take."

Relena: "What? That's not fair! I should get the lead! Me!"

The Big Bad Boss: "Don't worry. You have a vital role in the movie as well."

Relena: "Do I get to be the Glinda, the Good Witch of the South?"

The Big Bad Boss: "Not exactly."

Relena: "Then who?"

The Big Bad Boss: "You are a flying monkey."

Relena: "WHAT? I REFUSE!"

The Big Bad Boss: "You get wings."

Relena: "YAY!"

GW Boys: "What about us?"

The Big Bad Boss: "Heero, you're the new TInman. Duo, you're the Scarecrow. Trowa, you're the Cowardly Lion. Quatre, you're Toto. And Wufei. . . ."

Wufei: "What am I? Tell me now!"

The Big Bad Boss: "You're the Wicked Witch of the West."

Everyone: *erupts in laughter*

Wufei: "AN ONNA? YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I DEMAND JUSTICE!"

The Big Bad Boss: "Sorry. It's out of my hands."

Duo: "Hey. Doesn't the scarecrow, like, not have a brain?"

The Big Bad Boss: "I'm afraid so."

Quatre: "Well at least getting into character won't be a problem. . . ."

Duo: "At least I'm not a dog!"

Quatre: "Oh yeah?"

Duo: "Yeah!" *lunges towards Quatre*

The Big Bad Boss: "Anyways. . . .Zechs, you're the new Good Witch of the South."

Zechs: "Do I get to wear a pretty dress?"

The Big Bad Boss: "Yeah, sure."

Relena: "But I wanted that part!"

The Big Bad Boss: "No. You're a flying monkey."

Catherine: "What about the rest of us?"

The Big Bad Boss: "The rest of you are Munchkins."

Catherine: "How degrading is that?"

Duo: "Very much so."

Catherine: "Shut-up you, you, stupid not-having-a-brain person!"

Duo: "That really hurts."

Catherine: "Brat!" *smacks him upside the head*

Hilde: "Who get's to play the Wizard, though?"

The Big Bad Boss: "The who now?"

Hilde: *sighs* "The _Wizard of Oz_ has to have a wizard. It's kind of obvious."

The Big Bad Boss: "Oh, I don't now. How about Treize?"

Treize: "Me?"

The Big Bad Boss: "How do you feel about playing the Wizard?"

Treize: "Do I get to keep the boots?"

The Big Bad Boss: "FOR THE LAST TIME NO! HOW THICK IS YOUR SKULL ANYWAY? YOU'RE JUST A TALKING HEAD!"

Treize: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Lady Une: "Those are the breaks kid."

Quatre: "So, when does filming start?"

The Big Bad Boss: "8:00 tomorrow morning."

Relena: "Do I get my own trailer?"

The Big Bad Boss: "Let me think about that. No."

Relena: "And why not? I was the Queen of the World, remember?"

The Big Bad Boss: "The keyword in there is 'was.' Now, everyone get out of my office."

Heero: "Do I get one? I was the main character, you know."

Duo: "If he get's one, I want one too!"

Quatre: "Me three!"

Catherine: "Can I get knives in my trailer? I want to practice my knife throwing."

Dorothy: "Can you not shave my eyebrows?"

Wufei: "I DEMAND JUSTICE!"

Treize: "Can I be a talking head with boots?"

Zechs: "What color will my dress be?"

The Big Bad Boss: "Why me?"


End file.
